Actually I never feel like this!? But ok now I do! And I deserve to be filled with love and such good energies.

I deserve to be with people who are wise enough to just love unconditionally, ~ who are fearless, and not so overly concerned with themselves, that they just blindly knock out someone else on their way, while they storm in n out to check if there is anything they can use for their happiness here. .. just flying through like a hurricane, knocking out whoever it was, who was there on the other end of the very connection itself, and without even realising that they fractured someone on their way.

Intense energies of what appeared to be loving friendship bond, callint itself my soul-mate, came storming into my life, and left as fast as if the soul-mate concept was just a joke on me.

It was sweet, but selfabsorbed. Not a wise multisided being of many levels.

In fact, what a cruel illusion to serve to someone. Like serving a huge delicious meal to a starving person, but just to satisfy your own sore ego’s pride, with how well your virtual reality system works.

Though tiny traces are left here and there in my flat, so that I know it did actually take place. ..so that I know it was not all exclusively just to fool me. Rather I am wise enough to know enough levels, layers and sides, to know that this somone is in their own process. But at least a whole book or more appart from where I am at.

I even felt it from far (in his expressions of fascination with fancy cars, huge TV projections and sound systems), and then I even saw fractions of it here in person, in form of signs of further mainstream expressions (in the wearing a giant wristwatch, and collecting sneakers).

But I do suspect that he might catch up fast, because of his intensity of feeling things, and expressing self-analysis and reflection. But I don’t really know that for sure, because I don’t know how much he actually questions everything in life, incl.his self, and how much he actually seeks knowledge and truth, compared to that of how much he watches (the damn forsaken) UnterHaltung of TV and mainstream media.

It all happened so fast. But it was so intense, and left me so draned emotionally, that I slept 14 hours, and all day I felt too exhausted to even speak much, feeling all day, as if a train had hit me.

Now 24 hours later, I am recovering my heart from it all.

I know I am in a time where I finally best be getting divine support and unconditional love. Even though I have no one, not even any family left, I know it is my turn now anyway. Do it however you can universe!

It’s been more than enough of people using my love and kindness in so stupid ways, just wasting it all, and it’s been more than enough of all disturbing and painful events. It is time for the so far life-long ongoing theme of abandonmen to stop for good now.

Its also time for me to be here for me now. I resign from being living for others. It is time for me now.

This love that came by to just greet me, was a perfect example of, how I need to be taking care of me, face that there is no human hero nor saviour, besides myself. It is time to face that I am the hero and saviour that I wish for.

Humans are not here to love me, nor to help me, not even to understand me.

So fine with you all, showing me that I don’t have to keep serving and putting any of you first before myself anymore.

It’s good to know that I have lived my life for you all long enough, and that now, in order to ballance the scales, it is time for me to live for me.

I use it this experience as a reminder to love myself. So thank you for the reminding lesson.