I as well do wanna be able to spend some days on my own sometimes. I who generally drift away writing or creating something,

I know that if I loved someone who happened to be writing as I do. I would be using their writings to get closer to what’s going on inside their mind and senses. Of course! What a gift of an opportunity.

I tried to meet you for joint generation of love in these times where we obviously need an avalanche of love to get out of feeling down. Bit now as I ask after pizza if we shall go, you looked at me and then ignored me, instead asking Alessandro if you shall try some wine.so as usual alcohol is the most important guest/thing/… that you know i have my alcoholic dad trauma with, which touches me in a bad way when it is a thing you must consume every damn day.

So again as usual in my life, since childhood already, I’m always left as the only one alone, to be the big one who’s putting herself aside to take responsibility in the moment, to be doing what one alone can do, to being of love in the given moment.

But now I feel like going home. Nevermind that you already barked at me before the pizza arrived. …again something critical of me. …weather the critic is of what I feel, or what see, or what I did or didn’t, or whatever of me, it is all the time me you’re critisizing whatever detail you bark at. And if it isn’t barking at this n that, then it’s wining instead, which so often has felt like being with a girlfriend.

Over a month ago I started realising that I feel like I need to feel your love, and as soon as this occurred to me, I made sure to be fair and told you.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I myself in the past, have been both blind and deaf in a few cases like this, I’d probably have no benefit of a doubt to give you now.

I don’t know how I will manage to feel later or tomorrow. I’m tired of fighting just to get out of bed nevermind moving, nevermind feeling ok enough to make it through the day.

I wish you would have treasured my good feeling energy and done yours to help me keep it up, instead of throwing your shit and puke of depression all over it, breaking me down to come back to being down with you. Logical would be to treasure if one of us manages to feel up n out of sadness, which is to affect the other one with loving intention.

But no, if you feel sht, then ego tripping it untill it eats up all good is your way of doing things.

So now I will leave you with your beloved alcohol and go back home alone. Makes me wanna smoke. Tjeah wisdom appears to be a galaxy unknown here. So ok I’m out a here.

To be of love all alone always, that’s the only way it starts to become a case of being drained. But yeah sheeple are too up in ego to be wise. So let’s keep wasting love each time it’s there…. So this world kan rot properly.

Oh FCK you humans really.