I was all depressed, aparently all beat up. And I was still expecting to be in Germany or close, when this lady reminding me of my grandMother, came and said “I don’t know where you come from, but here, you just have to be Your Best, because we take care of everything, and in that we all take care of each other. All of us here, well we’ll get to that later. So now go clean up.” Then she sweetly smiled and with a giggle she said, “You look like the forest’s soils just gave birth to you” and then she nodded towards this beautiful gate of a door. OK this is all together nice, I thought to myself, and noticed how I didn’t even really care to feel.

At that point I didn’t have a clue what she meant by taking care of each other and everything. And about that I also didn’t care, since it has never meant anything that I ever felt I needed. And people say so much without ever backing it up with the adequate action. So if anything, I thought it would just mean food and such basic things.

Rebirth

But from the moment I stepped into that bathroom, …well, everything changed, or rather it was like I changed. I started awaking from trauma as I was taking in and taken in by, my unexpected and unusual environment. As I was looking around I was shifting into Paradise, and once fully registered and awake, immediately my whole being was filled with a feeling of never letting it go. Meanwhile this, was only the bathroom.

I had the most beautiful feeling shower, and it was a bit like the half outdoor bathroom we had with the balinesian bungalows on Bushman’s mountain top, on Ibiza island. Only this one was even bigger and more perfect in its detail, to my sense of things. Everything made of regular wood and bamboo wood, and I guess microcement, with the nature itself protruding right into the whole place . A natural luxury, the best feeling luxury of all luxuries, giving me a sense of connection and harmony with everything. And according to the color of the wood, it was either all newly built, or just treated to stay in its fresh raw looking colors. The room itself was almost all round, the shower-wall was a Mountain Rock from outside, onto which the bathroom was built and the corner where I had entered was all square shaped like a normal house, but looking way up there was a huge wooden beam holding the roof, bringing that organic feeling even to the square side of the space.

On the side of the shower was a soil space like a tiny garden with flowers and palm looking plants growing, which immediately made me concerned about the loads of soapwater they get exposed to, and curiously I pick up one of the shower products to read its label. It said Natures Choice, Shampoo for dry hair, ‘plant-water friendly’, and my paradise feeling gave me goosebumps. It felt as a tickle like feeling, and as if it or my spirit made a salto right there in the shower.

From the square corner of the room, one wall turned into that mountain protruding in from the outside nature, and it was hard to tell where the wall ended and where the real rock began. The little garden went from the natural rock wall and had a tall panoramic window, which opened when I tried pressing the button, that I noticed next to the mirror, so that particularly the whole shower part of the room felt exposed as if it was all outside. Amazing. Once done there, I felt like reborn!, and that into a better reality! I probably felt so significantly better, because of the floors being earth-grounded floors, and then that together with the mountain water, surely got me good, and I stayed under the shower for more than an hour.

Where Am I ?

I didn’t have a clue where I was, and something inside me, felt as if it would be almost like some holy question, like some forbidden question. No idea why, but somehow for me, it just felt too sensitive of a subject to disturb it, as if trying to find out, could ruin my perfect dream. So I didn’t want to ask, and decided that obviously, with patience I’ll come across the answer, even without asking.

Arrival

I had been wandering in some woods for hours, and I know that I was in Germany. At some point I had taken a nap on some huge flat Rocks, after which I felt as if something about the forrest, the climate, something about the environment was feeling different than before, but I was telling myself, that it was the sleepy state of me that was giving me this feeling, because I don’t usually wake up in a forrest, and so the whole awaking-feeling just stands out feeling very different here I thought.

I went on wandering, south, and eventually after what felt like an hours time, I suddenly started seeing people in the distance. To get to them, I went through these crazy bushes and had a serious battle with getting through them, which made my nerves explode into some blend of physical and emotional exhaustion, sadness turned to anger, and fear into rage.

So as if some psycho had gone totally emotional (for just this once in life), I ended up raging out in these bushes, and I was fighting some “ill” bush like a mad person, when some of the people were suddenly right next to me, just looking at me in silence with big wondering eyes. I paused with the surprise, and then immediately felt like a confused “clown of rage” , and as if on an emotional roller-coaster, I burst into a freaking laughing attack and then they did as well. We were all dying laughing and I could feel I had not even the power to laugh that hard, and just as I registered this exhaustion feeling, my laughing broke into tears, and I collapsed into the mud like a dying dizzy crying baby.

The people lifted me up and carried me (the loud waterfall of tears) to what I thought was their camp. Although helplessly crying, I felt no care of anything from there, not life nor death, and when they lifted me up, it overwhelmed me how I had the same feeling in what felt like all of my cells. So there was not a trace of neither cooperation or resistance in me, when they got me out of the “bad” bushes, that now seemed like nothing much at all for them to get through.

It was getting dark by the time we got there, and my tears were clogging up my view, and so while I didn’t even care to see anything in the first place, I just got some impression and expectation, that the place would be some sort of camp of some classic type of wild and primitive feeling Lifestyle people. But Wow how wrong I was!

As I stepped out of the bathroom, through that gate looking door, for a second I thought I was somewhere at the spa of Atzaro, on ibiza island, because the gate like door had that balinesian frame from the outside. But as I was now feeling fresh and well, not looking down and closing my eyes all the time as I was before, but now looking up and around, I began to see the whole. It was overwhelming to realise, how I had been there for hours in a state from which I hadn’t been able to see anything. Now realising that my feeling in those moments, had my senses clogged up with trauma, and from that it had me in a feeling of literally not caring anymore to see, literally not wanting to see the world or anything anymore.

But a familiar feeling lovely and grounded human presence, had appeared and somehow distracted me just enough to get me to move, as she helped me up and lead me to to that gate-door to the bathroom.

Now all clean and fresh, calm and neutral feeling as if reborn, I closed this gate-door behind me and leaned up against it in awe of my view. Where I had been laying, before the lady had made me go get cleaned up, there was a huge panoramic tilted window, looking down the slope of a mountain side. I hadn’t even noticed us going upwards at any point. And now the thought of some people having carried me up hill, somehow made me feel more safe, and immediately think to myself, Funny. …as if I’m that naive!?

I walked over to the window feeling light as a feather with joy. I was amazed, the view was stunning. It had very tall trees, just enough to cover the building, but without shielding out the sun. The ground below the trees was flat and full of rows of plants with big juicy looking leaves, and so many tiny flowers in between. Well, that’s what it looked like from where I was standing. But then later I discovered up close, that the flowers were all berries.

It turned out that I had actually slept for a whole night, from the early evening till somewhere before noon, and so I had a whole day of amazing discoveries that very first day.

Next to the window there was another bigger looking gate-door, which I had somehow taken for being a wall before, when I was not really looking up. And as I walked out of it, I noticed it was a double door, which again reminded me of ibiza (but in that also of a person that I want to forget). The inner door was a glass door, and the outer one was of thick heavy wood, making you feel small in a good safe kind of way. Immediately as my closing of the door made a noise, I heard giggles and noticed some people laying under some of the biggest trees. I noticed the old lady sitting up against the thickest tree. She got up and walked towards me, so I slowly started moving to meet her half way. She started moving to the right and waving me to follow her direction. As I left the shade of the building I noticed how warm the sun was, and how there was this feeling I know so well from each spring, where the warmth of the sun feels so damn good, like it’s healing me or so. To my senses, I can best destribe the sensation, as some kind of a magnetic or I guess an electromagnetic feeling thing, but of a good natural feeling kind. And so in this healing feeling warm sunlight I met her on the side of the open space, that I had stepped out into, and there where we joined walking, clifrock mett with a tree, only connecting with the little path that we were now walking on side by side, and she told me, “They were giggling when they saw you because … Well, if you could see and hear yourself defeating those bushes, you know. And this made me giggle as I was now remembering and seeing it more objectively with my imagination of how it must have looked.“The crazy Bush fighter” I said. She looked at me and smiled so that her eyes closed with a kindly amused expression on her whole face. I felt like the funny one now, and so I was equally amused.

Within just a couple of minutes we were standing right at the slope with the tall trees, and one could see the tilted window side of the house. She handed me a bunsh of raspberries, and this was the moment I realised, that all the little flowers were not flowers, but all kinds of berries in all their different varieties. To me of course a total Berry Heaven. Even with berries that I haven’t seen since I was around 6 years old, with my kindergarten back in Karlovy Vary.

– to be continued –