Craving to always feel as the foundation of living, the excitement and exhiliration of the future in fact being unknown all the time. 

~it means anything can become, it means anything is possible. All the time. 

But at the same time not feeling this exhilirating exitement of the unknown, even though aware of, that is part of the whole basis.

It’s as if I in the smallest things, see signs of predictability and in that the stagnance, which saddens my energies and makes me pull the curtains. 

Oh fck off now! …seriously. How can I keep forgetting that it’s just Berlin!? 

The city of those dark energies some call Shiva ~ repressenting destruction chaos coldness. But for me it feels rigidly stagnant like a city does. Everything is so fixed and inflexible, so stiff, like barbie. Well basically there’s an overly unnatural feelin in the city package. 

Or one could also just say; I should never have gotten so connected with the (warm beautiful climate) nature of ibiza!