Ok, wait a minute here, … no doubt that I am so lucky with so many things, and I am absolutely grateful for the person I am, ever was and have become. …blabla…have grown much more than I though would even be possible. I’m not even sure if I ever even thought about it. Nevermind that way back, I hadn’t even any idea that globetrotting would be like traveling inside of oneself while traveling around on the very globe, but neither did I know, that there was even just half as much growing in store for me or anyone for that matter. I’ve never even known anyone who has grown this much, as far as i can recall. And now I like it, I love it, I’m so amazed with it (needless to say that I’m grateful for it).

Anyway, ever so often things feel totally Surreal…in both good and bad ways.

My life proceeds like a frkn’ movie as always. But at the same time, I sit here feeling like a question mark, wanting to know why I have to sit and witness, for days now, bad vibes and ignorant juvenile behaviour in adult people, when it is below me, and feels just completely useless for me.

THIS PART, IS ONE OF THOSE
MAINSTREAM BITS 🤨

“ZERO OF ALL” (🙃multiple meanings can be found in both beginning and the end of this strofe right here, all depending on the viewers eyes);
I’m working on new yrs, for the 2nd time in my life. And everything feels very bizzare🧐

FIRST OF ALL; if it was my business, this here (even just as a manager perhaps), I would not make this night a real working night. For the place that it is❄️ with seasonspan and all details here included for this business, I’d just be open selling like any day, but actually be partying (like private) to use the occasion to level with any people that may come in on a day like this. ~ It would express confidance and level as a club (even self respect). Especially when there is no people at all these days. (the season hasn’t really set in yet as everyone here says)

Though you could run this club right, up the style, class, service and shows in general, be cool (on the business note & style), and keep an open and kind mindset in mingling with locals, which includes the workers, and next year you can successfully bother to make real invitations to an actual party that people will come to, especially after 1 and 2 am. But yeah what ever I’m just a dancer here right😉…why should I know anything!?

SECOND OF ALL; There is nobody here, only one dude in the VIP, who tends to show up here. … one of the sons of the owner of this 5 star hotel that we are located in.

THIRD OF ALL; not surprisingly, this dude is seemingly…well, he behaves like he’s hindered by being spoiled up a bit from perhaps…well for what appears from the outside to be a lack of responsibility, the kind that financial abundance can be for a kid in his position, and who knows whatever else, that one cannot see from the outside. Other than that he simultaneously seemed like a nice guy with a hidden but good heart, when I spoke with him a bit last summer.

But now, all this silly things here, right in my face, instead of having any work to do, so I can just mind my own business.
(I have heard what people tell about him or his life, but I find it to be a bit to personal to mention, besides the part that he should as I felt, be a nice guy, … so let’s just stick with what he himself is publically flashing about here).
AND, SO FOUTH OF ALL; why do I have to know, that tonight he has a childish movie drama going on it the club, insulting (hurting) his so-called girlfriend (and on new yrs night) by saying to her, that he is together with, and has slept with the dancer sitting with them in the VIP, who he’s been spending time with almost every time he’s come in here. …now absolutely insulting both girls in fact, obviously. Because it’s not at all true.
The girlfriend burst into tears, and was asking the dancer if it’s true, which it isn’t, so she told the girlfriend that and walked away from the situation.
On top of that, before any of this happened, I overheard the other girls saying that this girlfriend looks pregnant. Well, under this circumstances, I sincerely hope that’s not the case.

Now, FIFTH OF ALL; I can see here so clearly, how it is, that when humans behave like that, it shows he/she doesn’t know, who the hell “he himself” is in this world, as he behaves the way he does in here.
I wanna say, Go travel the world alone!, for at least 3yrs+, mainly exploring places; such as, historically interesting places, famous places, and natural reserve places, some places like grand canyon, Alexandria, Cairo, Tibet, Peru, etc and so on…
Since, partly because SIXTH OF ALL; discovering the planet you live on makes you discover YOURSELF, which is one of the main themes in the movie of my life…. Funny enough.
And then from the who and what you are, you can decide who and what you wanna be, or who you can best become. Instead of wasting time in this mountain village, behaving and living like a fool, especially when the money for traveling like that is not the biggest issue.

What a freaking cliche. Ať the same time!?

SEVENTH OF ALL; On my own side, I feel weird in my own …current …situation …of being here with every day and everyone included. I’m just looking forward to seeing why I have to sit here bored (and feeling weird, like I don’t fit in (it’s all too ignorant and blind for me)), …and why I have to witness such a bunch of waste of time, in several different ways at once. …well, since I know that later on everything always makes sense. But anyway, I don’t really wanna wait at all. I want to figure it out!

It’s also a classic cliche that I sit here with all the experience and knowledge that this whole establishment needs, yet I’m not in the possition to use any of it, as I’m just sitting in the dancer possition only. This is how I don’t fit in. I don’t fit into this role at this time, ~ under the circumstances of this establishment.
I would speak up, but they take me as just a dancer. …as usual humans are too bussy hear, caught up in chasing classic standards.
DAMN I WANT A GOOD USEFUL CHALLENGE!

Ok, so let’s take the challenge of figuring it out now.

All this was clearly written on new yrs’ from a rather puzzled feelng, with the desire to get some clarity, and sharing from the idea that someone out there might say something to it, which can lead me closer clarity on it all (in the bigger picture which I feel me viewing from).

Now that some days have past, perhaps I am now a step or a few back from this bigger picture so that I see even more of it. Yes and the pondering days are the going both closer to it and further from it, investigating the details up close, and the patterns noticeable from a far. …so to say.

So all my visions, on this great opportunity of a nightlife showbiz location (click to see them breafed here) are like alien language to the owner of this club here, or anyone who hasn’t got the adequate knowledge and experience of this business, which he has jumped into all green. Turned out that noone had the slightest idea. and it became so diaturbing to me that i looked up one of my past work places in paris, just to hopefully find some things that bring me back into that feeling of some of the professional touch parts i’ve learned.

All the things people don’t know, they of course can not see in their minds eye. Only a very few can find way to relate in their experiences.

The theme… A theme protruding alot in my life, is the having important knowledge for the environment im in, but being in a position where no one listens to hear anything.

And so 8th of all;
why can’t I even just use my own intelligence for me, for myself!?
Yeah, some of our connection with Ann-Carina is the best thing right now for both of us.
And there I still come to the same old  conclusion that everybody needs the right somebody in life who believes in them, to make them feel what they can be better than they are now, so that they actually get better. … Since critisizm does the opposite.